


Unspoken

by cousmiclatte



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, can't english, can't tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:40:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22480435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cousmiclatte/pseuds/cousmiclatte
Summary: post x1's disbandment. yohan and hangyul try to catch up.
Relationships: Kim Yohan/Lee Hangyul
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	Unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer:  
> i have little to zero knowledge about yohan/hangyul. i tried. also shoutout to my friend for force-feeding me yohangyul content, this is how i repay you<3

If today is couple of months ago, I would be laughing for some silly Seungyoun’s jokes. I would be drenched in sweat for practicing for the comeback, I would bother Dongpyo to his limit. Or maybe I would just have a deep talk with Wooseok, and Hangyul.

And Hangyul.

It’s kinda weird how it’s quite hard to meet him now. When I used to find him just anywhere and anytime. Seriously that guy was like water, air, whatever you call it. He’s always around. And maybe I took it for granted. I kinda miss him. The other kids too, but I miss him a lot more. Yeah, I think.

“Hey.”

I lift my face up from my phone screen when I feel a touch on my head. It’s always been comforting. The way his fingers ruffle through my hair. Or maybe I just feel a lot safer near him.

I can’t help the edge of my lips from rising up. That’s true, when people said it’s suddenly easier to breathe to see someone that you long for, showing up in front of you _(a/n: teotfw reference)_. He’s standing in front of me now. With the same smile since we first met, the same smile he always has. Is it too much if I suddenly want to cry now. Shit I think I really want to cry.

“Hangyul.”

The name sounds weird coming out from my lips. Haven’t called for him since forever. But at the same time it feels right to say it again.

“Sorry had to make you wait.” Hangyul takes a seat.

I just hum softly. “Yeah, nothing’s new. Still the same old.”

He lets out that laugh. I miss that. Now that I hear it again, I kinda miss it. At this point I think I miss everything coming from him. And that sucks.

“How are you? I mean I know we still text and all but I just wanna know actually how are you doing.”

I can’t help but sigh.

“Why why?” He’s doing it again. That thing just makes me want to burst in tears real soon. And I hate crying. I will look so ugly. I don’t want to look ugly.

Maybe he notices the way I sniff, fighting back my tears when I open my mouth to say that I’m doing just fine.

“I just miss you guys. It feels a lot harder now that I’m alone. But I have to get used to it, right?”

“Everyone’s the same, Yohan. Even me. I miss you guys too.”

His eyes reflecting sadness, also comfort. I hate that. He always acts all strong when he also needs a pat on his back. He’s always be the sturdy one among us. I wish I can at least make him feeling okay, but how?

“How about you? Are you doing fine?”

I catches a slight changing emotion from his face. He blinks before eventually nodding.

“I’m good. Dohyon too. I take good care of him, if you’re asking.”

I put a small smile hearing that. “I know you do. Ah, I want to see Dohyon.”

Hangyul chuckles. “He wanted to come but he needed to practice.”

“It must be tiring with only two of you. Just- don’t get hurt, okay?”

He taps my head lightly. “Sure. You should also take care of yourself, since I’m not around you now.”

I know he’s joking but that’s true. I want to say that I need him to take care of me, like usual. Hell, I want him to be around me whenever I need him. Now that I look back to the old times, he’s always the one reaching to me first if I felt unwell. Asking ‘You okay?’ with his calming tone, but it already made me feel safe.

If I ask him now, will he feel weird out by it? It’s not like he’s going somewhere far. But I feel so far from him. Since when I’m this demanding? Grow up, Yohan.

Don’t go anywhere. Just, don’t go.

“I’m not a kid I can take care of myself.” Is what comes out from me.

* * *

I’m not saying this time is the happiest time since the past weeks, but I am. I don’t realize I’m humming songs while walking to meet this person. I must be in a good mood. That’s great.

These past weeks were so hard, mentally and emotionally. But my lips automatically form a smile over witnessing a small figure from afar. The figure that I recognize the most in million times. Look, his little pout he always makes unconsciously. His eyes are still fixated to the phone when I make my stop in front of him. So I have to extend my arm and steal his attention by ruffling his hair.

“Hey.”

Haven’t seen that smile in a long time, dare I to say I miss it.

“Hangyul.”

And this. Him calling my name but this time not in a whiny way like every other time I teased him.

He looks fine, like always but his eyes hiding on something. I wonder if he’s doing okay, I’m worried.

So when he lets out a heavy sigh when I ask about it, the radar inside me works faster than me.

“Why why?”

And he looks like he’s about to cry. Something crushes my heart. He says he misses everyone, so do I.

But I miss you the most, if you want to know.

“How about you? Are you doing fine?”

His question catches me off guard. Am I doing fine?

No. Not since we separated. I don’t realize nodding my head instead of telling the truth.

He asks about Dohyon. And I say that he wanted to come but he couldn’t.

I chuckle to myself. Lies. More lies.

He says something about not getting hurt.

Yohan. Kim Yohan. Just stop for a second and listen to me. I want to confess.

I tap his head with my finger. “You should also take care of yourself, since I’m not around you now.”

I’m waiting for any single reaction. Anything. Be it puzzled look in his eyes, a simple hum, or even his annoyed ‘hey’ whenever I start teasing him.

But nothing.

He is so oblivious it’s almost funny. You’re funny, Yohan. And I hate you for that.

Those sleepless nights I spent thinking of how I should tell this to him. Conflicted mind if this would turn for the better or even make everything worse. I want to tell him, but what if he back off. What if he doesn’t want this to go anywhere. What if he just wants everything to stay the same.

But can I do that? Not being around him is already hard. From now on we’re just going to go further and further. I can’t even imagine living day by day without his presence. I don’t want to.

Holy shit Hangyul just say it already.

The words are just at the tip of my tongue.

“I’m not a kid I can take care of myself.”

The words go back to the back of my tongue, forcing me to swallow it whole. It should be a joke, but I can’t even bring myself to laugh.

Why would you even say that, you dumb. You could’ve just pretended to be a whiny kid and told me to take care of you. Kim Yohan, you dumbass.

“Sure.” I messes his hair, he brushes my hand away. Trying to fix strands of his hair, pouting and grumbling.

And the confession never happens until I have to go.

He is a fool, but I am a coward.

There should be next time, right?

Next time when he feels like it’s weird not having me around him. Next time when he feels bad about something and not finding me approaching him to ask what’s wrong. Next time when he finds something interesting and I’m not there to listen to his chatter. Next time when he’s bored and there’s not me keeping him entertained. Next time when he finally realizes that maybe, maybe he has the same feelings like me.

**Author's Note:**

> sry


End file.
